Buried Resentment
by ChoCedric
Summary: My second angsty Peter fic. "How thick are you, Wormtail? You run around with a werewolf once a month!" The beginning of Peter's road to the dark side, his buried feelings of anger and jealousy towards his friends. Why must they make such mean comments?


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Buried Resentment

By: ChoCedric

"How thick are you, Wormtail? You run around with a werewolf once a month."

I feel sick as my so-called best friend, James Potter, says this. Potter. I'm his friend, but sometimes I want to pound him into the ground. How dare he say such things to me! It's not fair that he's so smart, that he seems to know every damn thing on the planet. He and Sirius treat me like nothing but a stupid little rat, just a tagalong. I'm not worthy enough to be friends with them. Even Remus's patient smiles get on my nerves, because I know he's patronizing me. I'm bloody sick of being their friend sometimes.

What gets to me is that during our pranks, I'm always the damn lookout. "You're a good friend, Pete," James always says, ruffling my hair and Sirius pounding me so hard on the back it actually hurts. "Now do a good job for us and don't get us in trouble."

And the thing is, they've started to treat me like an idiot if I do get them in trouble. I'm just clumsy little Peter, always bumbling around and getting things wrong. I've been the butt of their jokes a few times; they love pranking me. But noooo, James, Sirius, and Remus never get pranked. But me, insignificant little Peter Pettigrew, thick little Peter Pettigrew, they have no problem pranking.

They had no problem laughing at my Animagus form either. Yeah, that was another thing that really got to me. "A rat!" Sirius chortled, practically falling to his knees with derisive laughter. "A rat, Peter! Didn't think you had it in you!"

Us Marauders have always been a close circle, and because I'm weak little Peter who doesn't like conflict, I'll keep being their friend. I do love them, and I'm glad they accepted me into their group, but still, I feel shunned sometimes. Especially with that comment James said just now about me being thick. And why would he say right out in the school grounds where anyone could hear about Remus being a werewolf? True, Remus didn't reprimand him for it, just told him to quiet down, but still!

We finally got the Animagus transformation this year. And me, being stupid little Peter, got it last, of course. You should've heard the groans of "Oh, Pete, c'mon, get it right already!" from James and Sirius. They think they're being funny, but sometimes, they're just hurtful. They tease me about my weight at times, too; it's not my fault that I've inherited that gene from my father. "Don't have too many chocolate frogs now!" James chuckles, giving one to me and leaving three for himself. "Don't want you to take up more than one chair, my little wormy friend!"

And that's yet another thing. My damn nickname. Sirius and James chose their own, but I couldn't think of one so they chose mine for me. I hated it, but they just laughed and said, "Ah, Wormtail, you'll get used to it." And they were right about that, I must admit. I've warmed up to it now, and I don't mind so much. But my problem is the fact that they didn't give me a choice.

Sirius loses his patience with me so often, and he thinks I'm really, really dense. Just because I have problems with Transfiguration and certain wand movements! Yeah, you don't need to keep eluding to the fact that I'm as good as a squib. I already know that, Sirius. Just because you and the other Marauders are so good at everything, you don't need to rub it in my face how much I suck.

I also have to say that sometimes, James and Sirius don't know when to stop. With. Their. Pranks. I know what it's like to be the butt of jokes, so seeing Snape suffering under their constant bullying really gets to me. When I told them to lay off him once, James and Sirius refused to speak to me for an entire day. So I learned to keep my mouth shut, because it was so lonely with no one to talk to in my dormitory except Remus, who was tired that day and couldn't have a conversation anyway because he was recovering from a full moon. But I really feel for Severus Snape sometimes. He's just minding his own business, and then James and Sirius sneak up on him and do whatever the hell they want with no regard for the consequences.

I must admit, we have really good times together too, so it isn't all bad. Full moon nights are awesome, but there are still times when I don't think I can do enough for Remus. I'm just a dumb little rat while James and Sirius are the stag and dog, the big, strong animals who can really fight against a werewolf. And what do I do? Cower in the corner. It's so not right. Why do I have to have all the bad luck?

I also marvel at how brave my three friends are; I'm just a coward compared to them. I was the most reluctant one of them all to participate in the Animagi project, but I desperately wanted to be involved in their scheme, and also to help Remus. It also took longer for me to get used to the fact that there's a werewolf, a WEREWOLF, living in our dormitory. It didn't seem to phase James and Sirius at all. They just blinked and nodded like it was nothing while I suffered with nightmares for weeks about my calm, composed friend turning into a monster before my very eyes. It's a scary thing, you know. I once made the mistake of telling this to Sirius, and the only thing that came out of his mouth was a harsh "Oh, Peter! Grow up, won't you?"

Well, maybe I will "grow up". Maybe one day, I'll be big news, bigger than James and Remus and Sirius combined. Maybe one day my name will be on newspapers and said out in the streets with jubilation. "Peter Pettigrew, a true hero, Order of Merlin, First Class!" Oh, what a day that would be! I want to prove to the other Marauders that I am more than a tagalong, more than the friend they can patronize. I know they mean well, but they just don't realize that they're slowly breaking my spirit. They think we have the most perfect friendship in the world, and we did for a few years. But now that we're growing older, things are starting to change, and I'm beginning to see things that I don't like one little bit.

So say goodbye to fat little Peter Pettigrew, and say hello to someone who will change history. Yes. I, Peter Marcus Pettigrew, will change history. People will say my name with reverence, children will want to grow up and be just like me. I will no longer be the forgotten Marauder, the one people give pitying looks to and the one I overhear professors say is "not in his friends' league." Oh, yes. I will show them, I will show them all! Peter Pettigrew will rise above the label he currently has, and will become one of the greatest wizards in the world.

"How thick are you, Wormtail?"

That comment will never be said again, if I have anything to say about it.


End file.
